There are few topics more fraught with emotion and judgement than the topic of how people grieve.

I believe this topic is under-discussed, and way over-judged.

So let me set the record straight:

Grief is complicated!

Depending on your relationship to the person who has passed, grief can trigger guilt, anger/rage, despair, numbness, depression and basically any other emotional state.

Why?

Because the human brain is incredibly complex, and will respond differently based on it’s conditioning, training, information available, and nutrients at the time.

Add another layer of your physical body, to which all the above conditions apply, then your personality type, your culture and/or religious beliefs, and the number of losses you have experienced.

If it’s starting to feel a little bit like a cluster “bleep” already, that’s because it is – grief is complex and complicated!

So how do any of us have any hope of surviving grief? 

Well, the fact is, grieving skills can be learned, and luckily what humans need is fairly universal – safety, consistency, a feeling of control, life skills, information, care, compassion, understanding, guidance, and support. 

I will never say that learning good grieving skills is easy, fast, and the same for everyone – but the knowledge exists. The skills can be taught, and every person is capable of learning what they specifically need to grieve well.

The people around them can also learn what a specific person requires to grieve well, and they can support with that.

So if someone you know is grieving, or you yourself are grieving – take heart, help is out there.

Knowledgeable grief counselors exist, and care alot.  Having said that, also don’t be afraid to shop around.

Grief counseling work is heavy work, and it will be important that you have a good fit with your grief counselor.

I am also currently in the process of developing a self-directed online course for grievers – called “The Good Grief Guide”.

The Good Grief Guide will not be meant as a replacement to therapy or supportive family and friends.

It is meant as a complimentary support, available 24/7, or as a starting place for folks who don’t know if therapy will be right for them.

Whatever the circumstances of your grief, or the person you know, be patient and take heart. Many many people are able to learn good grieving skills which help them to take back a feeling of control over their shattered lives.

And you can too.

Watch for more information to come.

May this find and comfort your grieving heart,

Ruby